Monday, December 31, 2007
The Devil Says
An Exclusive chat with the Devil on the eve of New Year.
THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION
What does New Year signify to the world?
Ah, New Year. In today's context, it is essential. You see, every new year means the world has aged by one year. So, every soul is a step closer to death. Now, we've heard many people talk about how overpopulation is destroying resources. Well, New Year brings hope that the population will fall, and hence resources may be saved.
But is killing people really a solution?
Well... no really. You see, it's not as if the world doesn't have enough resources. The problem is that everyone wants everything else. So even if we kill a hundred people, one person still wants everything that those hundred possessed.
So why celebrate getting older?
Well honey, it's big business for me!
How do you think students in Jr. Colleges should feel about New Year?
They must celebrate of course! After all, nothing but Jr. Colleges can actually replicate my abode! Now, since your target audience will be entering Second Year in 2008, I'm sure they can look forward to meeting with me several times.
Are you excited?
Oh yes, I am very excited! After all, I love meeting people. The more the merrier!
How will you be celebrating the New Year?
I have a lot of plans in store: I plan to revel with my French-model-turned-girlfriend in Egypt, ruin a candidate's chances in Iowa, play with a Nuclear Deal in India, hang some noble soul in China and perform sin in Milan, Shanghai, Tokyo, London and Mumbai.
What will be your key goals in 2008?
To bring down the UPA Government. I'm a communist at heart.
And what of people like Mahatma Gandhi, the Dalai Lama and Martin Luther King?
Ah, well, every man has his enemies. Why wouldn't I?
You seem to have been very active this year. Floods, storms, hurricanes, assassinations... how do you manage to do it all?
It takes a lot of hard work really. I have gone through rigorous management courses: I had to start with CAT. In fact, CAT was so inspiring, it's level of difficulty was so in tune with my ideals, that I feel that every students should write it.
Is CAT that simple?
Indeed: the moment you receive the question paper, I shall visit you. It gives me an excellent opportunity to understand youth. IIT-JEE also offers the same opportunities.
Isn't meeting you in the middle of an exam a bad thing?
Say that again [makes an angry face]
Uh, nothing. So do you think 2008 will be a historic year for the world?
Oh, I'm sure. And if it's not... well, I'm always there, aren't I?
So who's the Man or Woman of the Year?
Paris Hilton surely. She's a living Goddess.
Well, thank you Mr. Devil for talking to us.
But where do you think you're going?
Well, I have to go back and file this...
Hey, wait, don't do that...
[OTFS sadly lost the signal at this point]
Happy New Year!