Saturday, December 6, 2008

The End of the World

It's December 6, 2008. A little under a year ago, I was writing about how the new year would be challenging, the most difficult year ever for me. Indeed, it seems to have lived up to its expectations, even going beyond. 

2008 has been the worst year of my life. I have bartered two years for something I have never wanted, I have lost two years of my teenage life to a fruit that tastes like water to me. 

And now, it's almost over. After being reduced to taking Vitamin-B pills just to stay awake and gulping down chyavanprash to avoid overpowering fevers, my life is almost set to go back to normal. Even though I know, in my heart, that my life has changed forever. 

Undoubtedly, I will be reading the Bhagvad Gita after all this is over. I feel a spiritual void, an emptiness. I feel shame and pride, both at the same time. I fear looking into the mirror, because I would see the ravages of the present and recent past. Countless times I have wanted to end it all in one stroke, in the most inhuman way possible. 

And each time, I was saved. And I will be saved again, and again. April 12, April 26. And peace be upon us all.

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